We Got A Doula...
...here's 5 reasons why.
Mark joined me at my 36 week appointment. As the weeks got closer and closer to our due date I think he was getting more and more anxious that I'd leave an appointment and be instructed to head to the hospital. He sat there fiddling with his phone as the nurse and I went through the usual weight, blood pressure, "is the baby moving" routine.
This particular week I was being seen by a doctor I had not yet met. The OB/GYN practice I go to rotates its patients between all the doctors so that you're familiar with everyone by the time you're ready for delivery. Any one of them could be there to deliver your baby so it's best you don't get too attached to any particular physician.
Sitting on the table the doctor quickly went over the results of some recent tests, all good news, and instructed me to lie back to listen to the baby's heart beat which was strong as it's been through the entire pregnancy.
Since, at this point, I am getting close to the big day I decided to test this doctor's POV on the birth process. I mentioned to him that I had some things in my birth plan that I wanted to be able to do. The doctor immediately responds to be in a tone that is condescending and off-putting.
"Birth plan, what do you mean birth plan?" he asks.
Now, I've read all over the internet since the day the stick said "pregnant" about everything birth related and one thing I know for sure is many women come into the process with a plan of how they'd like things to go. Sometimes it's actually written out and other times it's just discussed with their doctor or midwife. So, I knew I wasn't crazy.
"I mean, how I'd like the delivery to go. For one I'd like the freedom to move around and potentially to push not lying on my back" I responded.
"Why, why do you want to do that what other position is there?" he quips.
"Um, perhaps squatting or something that helps the baby come down" I responded, at this point my ears were getting hot with agitation.
I glance back at Mark and he's staring up at the situation waiting for the doctor's response.
"No, it's better lying on your back you have less control squatting. Besides, you'll probably have an epidural, you've never done this before you don't know how it's going to feel..." he stated and I cut him off.
"But I don't want one."
"Oh good, you push better without"
In my head I wanted to ask him if he'd ever given birth before either. Did he know, personally, what it would feel like? I get it you do this professionally but sir, do you have a vagina? But I forced myself to breathe and relax and swallow those words as I didn't want this appointment to turn into a fight with the physician. However, in my mind at that moment I'd decided that if he is the one to deliver my baby I just might kick him and blame it on the unbearable pain he tried to warn me about.
Mark and I left the appointment feeling slightly deflated, but he made it clear that whatever I wanted during this time he was 100% in support of so I took this as an opportunity to look into the role of a birth doula. The next day I was scheduled to attend an infant CPR and safety course that I wasn't sure I'd make it to due to timing and how far I had to travel to get there, however upon mentioning it to my boss she replied with "you should go". I made it to the class on time and in a serendipitous sort of moment the instructor introduced herself and mentioned that she's also a doula and lactation consultant. Oh really? Ya don't say.
Once we fully connected I learned that my newly found prospective doula was a part of the Ancient Song Doula collective and soon enough she was meeting with Mark and I in our living room discussing services she would provide and the benefits of a birth doula. I won't drag this out further with the complete extent of our conversations but here are the top 5 reasons I decided it would be best for us to hire a doula.
5 REASONS WHY WE HIRED A DOULA
1. To Protect Me From A-Hole Doctors: Sure, this sounds abrasive but here's the truth: doctors are trained medical professionals. The process of giving birth in America has been medicalized to the point that it seems all hospitals assume women all want the same thing. You show up in pain, they administer drugs to relieve it. Push the baby out. Go home a few days later. For women who chose not to follow that extremely sterile route it can be tough to get some doctors and nurses to listen to your desires. The role our doula will play was very well summed up by Mark. After meeting with her he summarized her position to be similar to that of a lawyer for us while we're in the hospital. She will help voice my wishes to the doctor as it pertains to how I give birth. She'll also help me digest what the doctors are saying in the case that they'd like to administer anything unanticipated (ie. additional drugs or a c-section). And even with America being one of the most advanced nations in medicine, black women are still dying at alarming rates from pregnancy/birth related causes.
2. We Really Don't Know What We're Doing: We never got around to taking a birth class. Unbeknownst to most people who haven't gone through the process before, there are several methods of getting through labor and delivery. Most of us are only familiar with the heavy breathing techniques we've seen on TV, Lamaze. However, doulas are trained in coping mechanisms beyond that. Already our doula has shown us massage, movement, and counter-pressure techniques. She's told us about different teas, herbs and essential oils that can help even prior to the onset of labor. So far she's told us things that have made me feel better about the thought of giving birth. Additionally, I really wanted Mark to be a part of the process as much as possible and with her help he can actually help me besides just giving supportive words.
3. She Provides Postpartum Care and Advice: There's much debate to be had about what a woman can, could, should, shouldn't do in the immediate weeks after giving birth. Apparently, if you're healthy you can be out and about in a few days. I, however, know myself. I don't want to be out. I don't want to be cooking and cleaning. I don't want to try to pretend I feel like my normal self. How could I possibly? I want someone on call who's going to give unbiased, thoughtful advice and help especially since I'm doing things quite differently than my mother did. Our doula has offered to teach me and to prepare for me a few meals that are key to helping the body heal immediately after birth. She also is trained in lactation support and I'm planning to breastfeed so she can provide help there should I need it. Of course I want my mom, my family and Mark's mother and family around. They'll all have plenty to do when they show up, but to know that her role is to really provide that help immediately after provides peace of mind for me especially with my own mother being so far away.
4. To Keep Me Focused: During the process of giving birth for the first time it's nearly impossible for a woman to know what's coming next. Many women get distracted and so overwhelmed by the pain that they turn to interventions (pain relief) even if they swore they weren't going to. And for those giving birth in a hospital, like I will be, the nurses and doctors are really just there to do their jobs. Most of the time they do not provide compassionate support or help you to cope, they'll ask if you want the drugs and how could that not sound tempting to someone who's already many hours into the pain? The doula's role is to help keep you focused on the finish line and your desires. I know what I want this birth to be like - I'm aiming for an intervention free, natural delivery with skin-to-skin post delivery. If my doula can keep me from giving in to the pain relievers I believe I'll have a better experience for myself and our baby. And there are many reasons that I don't want the drugs - that's another conversation.
5. Because I'm Made To Do This: But the way birth is set up and socialized, we've been trained to forget that. As I mentioned earlier the birth process is very sterile and it's almost assumed that when a woman comes in she wants an epidural. When I told my doula about what that doctor said at my 36-week visit that I'd probably have an epidural anyway she immediately recognized that as a scare tactic. Many black women experience birth less pleasantly because of assumptions that are made about her when she walks into the hospital. Assumptions about her income, assumptions about her marital/partner status, assumptions about her education level, assumptions about her insurance status. Not to mention, they're greeted by people who aren't concerned about communicating with them in a way that resonates with them. When you're treated with compassion and respect your body can do its job. When you are not, your body shuts down and leads you to interventions - even if they aren't desired. All of that to truly say, I know my body can do this. Women have been birthing babies since the dawn of time, it's our job. With our doula's support I hope to stay focused and have the natural experience I've always imagined. I think medical advancements are great, however, having a baby is not a "medical procedure" it's a natural one. Brain surgery is a medical procedure. A root canal is a medical procedure. Even getting breast implants is a medical procedure. But one of the most natural things to occur in the world is child birth and I feel comfortable and confident going into this with someone who understands and will communicate what's going on from a holistic standpoint.
